i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
