Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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