I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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