The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
