I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
