I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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