If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
