Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
