So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
