just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
