my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
