Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize