I wish I could teleport
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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