The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
