Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
