on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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