alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
