I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
