Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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