it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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