Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
