I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
