Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
