shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
