Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
barbara walters just said penis...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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