she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
