So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
