Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
