I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
