Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
