Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
