New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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