I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
