You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
