I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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