i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
