We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
