I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
