never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Girls should come with a carfax report
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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