hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
