Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
