she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
