You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
