It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
