Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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