The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
im six kinds of drunk right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
