I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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