Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
