call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
