Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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