I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize