The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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