I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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