Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize