my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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