i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize