I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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