I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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