someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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