i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
