Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
