So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
