Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize