he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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