If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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