it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
