You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
