Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
