kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The adults are the big ones right?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
