Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
