it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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