May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize