I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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