Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
