I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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