You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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