I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
