would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
