come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
They should really pass out barf bags in church
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
