Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
