We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
