I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
zippers are such a cool invention
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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