Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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