Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
