What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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