He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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