if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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