I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
