Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
