im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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