Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
