alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
