Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
