so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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