That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
farters have to be the big spoon...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
