i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
