I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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