How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
