if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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